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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517046">Standing Over your Frostbitten Memories (and let the cold seep into my skin)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryKitty013/pseuds/StarryKitty013'>StarryKitty013</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sibling Beta Test [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adopted Sibling Relationship, Angst, Child Neglect, Christmas Time, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd is a good older brother, Kinda, Mourning, Sibling Bonding, Tim Drake Being a Little Shit, Tim Drake Has Issues, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Tim Drake is Russian, Underage Drinking, and also a child, batfam, gen z humor, mentions of suicide but it's not a super big deal, please help him, smol birbs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:47:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,467</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517046</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryKitty013/pseuds/StarryKitty013</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason realizes that Tim is probably more fucked up than them and for a good damn reason.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tim Drake &amp; Jason Todd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sibling Beta Test [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>632</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Standing Over your Frostbitten Memories (and let the cold seep into my skin)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I got a really nice response on my other fic in this series. I dunno these are all just snapshots of the same universe, so they can be read as stand alones or like together. Nor in any particular order. I just don't know what the plot would be hehe.</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He didn’t expect this night to be odd.</p><p> </p><p>That was on him. In this family, he should expect everything to be odd. Especially nights like this. Living in a house with 4 annoyingly intellegent/idiotic brothers, 3 lethally memserizing sisters, 2 bat dogs, a bat-cat,  a bat-cat, a kickass butler, a batdad and a cow, at least one of them would have a weird tradition for Christmas Eve (or the asscrack of Christmas), or any other winter holidays they celebrated. In theory, there was no reason to panic or even acknowledge this. </p><p> </p><p>Out of their weird family, he has to say the Babybird is the strangest. And that’s saying something. Tim Drake is the smart, quiet egghead who sits patiently in the corner until someone summons him to do their bidding. It would’ve annoyed Jason if it seemed like the kid minded, but he was always happy to help, and he wasn’t overly chipper about it, he just did what needed to be done. Most of the time, he was doing someone else’s work, so it’s not that he was overly busy or slow at his job, it’s just that he was juggling everyone else with him. In return he had earned some sort of higher respect in aspects to his casework, tactical plans and such. So fair trade, but there were quirks about the kid. Like how he drank copious amounts of coffee without any effects to his body other than to keep him running, or the little silent games he played with people around him. </p><p> </p><p>Odd bird indeed.</p><p> </p><p>So it shouldn’t surprise him that Tim is putting away ingredients from cooking something at the witching hour.</p><p> </p><p>It’s just… Tim is really bad at cooking. Well he’s supposed to be. Everytime anyone asks the group who wants to cook (usually they’re just asking Jason), Tim gets this scary glint in his eye. He says cooking is just science and maybe because he treats all the preparing dishes as experiments, nearly everything that isn’t instant, packaged or caffeinated is inedible. In fact, it could probably be used as a bio-weapon - he was good at making those. </p><p> </p><p>Needless to say, Tim is banned from cooking, due to  multiple fires, chemical spills and lethal gasses created during his exploits.</p><p> </p><p>So sue Jason if he freaks out a little when he sees Tim putting away a used mixing bowl with some sort of batter, because he’s already created the abomination. </p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” he asked quickly as he yanked Tim away from the bowl, because he wasn’t wearing gloves or any other form of protection and he was cleaning the bowl. Tim knew lab safety better than any of them, he should be more careful. The lack of gear should’ve been the first tip off.</p><p> </p><p>The second was that nothing was on fire, in fact everything seemed fine.</p><p> </p><p>The third, was how Tim didn’t look at him, just straight and in a daze. Clutching a paper bag of what he’s guessing the abomination was kept in. He didn’t even want to look.</p><p> </p><p>“Timbo?” he asked and checked the time. 3:49am, and Timmy here was an overachieving insomniac. Everyone was forced off from any duties WE or Bat related for the day to spend with family. Even patrol would only be monitored. Perfect for their little workaholic to get some well deserved rest “Think you should crash.” he said, because he was an awkward asshole. Tim, to his credit, looked at him with vacant eyes that made Jason shiver and then went up without a word.</p><p> </p><p>That was weird.</p><p> </p><p>OoOoO</p><p> </p><p>Jason woke up to I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas playing on Dick’s BoomBox up and down the hall. </p><p> </p><p>For the entire month of December he had been playing Christmas music on a horrendously old boom box, increasing the volume every single day. Cartwheeling and flipping down the hall which housed their bedrooms.</p><p> </p><p>Jason lay awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling as the music pumped through the doors at the loudest volume, asking himself why in the hell he came back to live at the manor again? </p><p> </p><p>Oh yeah, Alfred’s cooking.</p><p> </p><p>It was the only reason half of them put up with this kind of crap. </p><p> </p><p>Also he’d admit only to himself - on a very good day - he kinda liked the little moments between the other tenants. Just a little. Chilling in the library with a good book and blankets with Cass and Duke. Bugging Bruce and Tim  when they were working with little insignificant things. The miniature prank wars between Dick and Steph. ‘Secretly’ helping Damian with English with Babs. Cooking with Alfred. It was almost like they were a normal family. </p><p> </p><p>He waited for either Damian or Steph to throw a batarang at their eldest brother, specifically the boom box. They missed nearly every time by a narrow margin before Dick managed to escape to his room (successful shots included: 15th when he woke Tim up from his fortnightly slumber and he hit dead on and they got a blissful morning in the 16th until Dick started to sing off key and Tim fixed his boombox so fast the Flash would be ashamed in himself. Jason learned two things that day, never take Dick’s music and never, ever disturb the sleeping baby dragon). </p><p> </p><p>Alas, he had not seen Tim actually go to sleep last night. So no such luck. His door was closed and someone was gonna have to wake him, he just hoped Dick’s boombox did the trick. Jason liked his limbs.</p><p> </p><p>He heard the batarangs. Heard Dicks laugh as he danced away. Heard the grumbling of Steph and Damian trudging downstairs with their failure and then heard a knock and then the door opened to reveal a brightly smiling Dick.</p><p> </p><p>“Wake up Jay!” Dick singsonged and Jason groaned. Dick laughed and went over to Duke’s door but not before apparently greeting Cass in the halls. Jason peeled himself off the bed and put on a sweatshirt as he pulled open the door. Dick must’ve already gotten Duke awake because he was vaulting down the stairs excitedly, like a literal child on christmas.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until he got downstairs and was looking at his gathered siblings that he noticed one of them was missing. </p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Timmers?” He asked casually. While their resident insomniac didn’t tend to sleep often, he did retire to his room that doubled as his lab/workshop/extra conspiracy board space every night when everyone else indulged in healthy human habits (Alfred didn’t like them in the cave for too long, but Tim would be there if the rule wasn’t cave hours were closed 5am - 1pm. That didn’t stop them(Tim and Bruce) from working on cases but it got them out of the cave), so he should’ve come out of his room like a grumpy little troll like the rest of them. </p><p> </p><p>The date could’ve gone completely by him, even if he was ignoring Dick’s too cheery for 10am summon. But Dick stopped stock still, indicating that he forgot something. More specfically to tell them something. Cass looked a bit sad for a second. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy...doesn’t celebrate with us.” Dick mumbled softly, not really looking at him. “I thought he would this year but…” he shrugged, trying to remain casual, it wasn’t working.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s kinda shitty.” Jason was kind of offended for the kid. They weren’t going to even try to get Tim to come? Some family this is. Cass shook her head, a signal telling him not to pry. Tim was Cass’ favorite sibling, if she was saying that Tim needed to be away, then she was probably right. Jason swears those two were twins sometimes, they were so close.</p><p> </p><p>“Tradition.” She said quietly. Which didn’t really explain it. Usually they add traditions to one another. Like Dick stayed in his PJs all day so did the rest of them  and Jason would eat ham in the morning so they had ham for breakfast along with other things. Babs always had the fireplace going. Steph always made popcorn while opening presents. Cass and Damian didn’t really have traditions. Duke said he always opened his stalking before presents under the tree, so this year they were doing that</p><p> </p><p>“Master Tim is Jewish. He attends the synagogue for the day.” Alfred answered and, oh right he was Russian. Although he didn’t seem the religious type. He never really mentioned any big Jewish holidays, they didn’t even have a menorah. </p><p> </p><p>“Ah.” he said like he understood.</p><p> </p><p>He still couldn’t help but think something was a bit off about that excuse.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that makes sense.” Duke nodded, maybe Tim wasn’t the only sensible member of the family. “But I didn’t see a menorah.” He mumbled and ever the inquisitive one. Thank you Duke, you’ll get a big cookie tonight.</p><p> </p><p>“Master Tim is not very religious but he does take advantage of the holidays to at least acknowledge his heritage and follows procedures pertaining to his country’s traditions.” Alfred explained  “He has however informed me earlier of this so it is expected you proceed accordingly without him.”</p><p> </p><p>Dick was about to say something, looking a little stricken, but Damian had gotten Bruce up (another tradition: youngest has to wake up the big bat - by Barbra Gordon and Dick Grayson - mostly to make fun of him for being the youngest when Jason was Robin, it kinda just stuck) and they walked in. </p><p> </p><p>“Tim already left?” Bruce frowned and Alfred nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Quite some time ago.” Alfred confirmed, and did Tim actually go to his room or just leave the house. Dammit Jason should have check. What kind of Synogouge would be open at 4 in the morning anyway. He didn’t know other religious practices, maybe the place opened at like 5 and they did morning rituals or whatever, he didn’t really think to research it - which he was feeling a little bad about now, but he didn’t even know Tim was Jewish (sure he was Russian but that didn’t inherently make him Jewish, Cass was Japanese and she wasn’t Budist, or maybe she was. Buhdists could also celebrate Christmas and Damian was Islam, so maybe…)</p><p> </p><p>“He needs to sleep.” Bruce grumbled, like that wasn’t obvious. </p><p> </p><p>“He has taken it into consideration sir, but I’m afraid the request is still pending.”</p><p> </p><p>And we’re back.</p><p> </p><p>OoO</p><p> </p><p>Momentary lapse without Tim aside, they had a pretty normal (for them) Christmas morning. Which to say, ended with at least two things blowing up and the toaster on fire again - separate incidents - but you know that was pretty good with their track record. It was sort of weird without the smell of coffee lingering from Tim’s latest brew, and the spot on the countertop that no one sat in or put anything on like there was some sort of barrier. Weird how little things like that could totally make you feel off.</p><p> </p><p>They opened presents and such, which were all just basically gag gifts because lets face it, they were rich, if they actually needed something they could just buy it on their own. The only serious gifts being Bruce and Alfred. Dick giving everyone ‘talored to office supplies’, swearing he didn’t forget to get presents. Babs giving fuzzy socks with weird cartooned animals on it. Mugs with weird slogans from Steph. Ties with hideously hilarious patterns (for everyone) from Cass. Damian did cartoonish drawings of them in their uniforms, which was kind of cute and he was cuddled as he blushed and left for like 15 minutes. Duke got everyone superhero t-shirts - which the Batman symbol was not a part of. Everyone got Tim Red Robin gift cards - barring Alfred and Bruce who got him some special kind of film. When asked about holiday shopping Tim had raised a brow and gestured to Dick’s escrima sticks and said “figure out everything about that and then I’ll get you a new gift.” That apparently applied for the whole family. And yeah, he was the smartest financially -CEO of Wayne fucking Enterprises, fucking unfair advantage- and this family was big, the numbers were gonna rack up and to have a thoughtful present for all of them? Impossible(although he had heard Tim suggest the drawing tablet that Damian had unwrapped and secretly loved). Well played Babybird.</p><p> </p><p>Still Jason couldn’t help but feel a bit more off as the hours rolled by and the afternoon came upon them, with the gingerbread cookies in the oven and they were on their fourth crappy hallmark movie and Tim still wasn’t there. Dick seemed to get more anxious without their little number three there as well. Cass seemed to notice the absence, but didn’t really react to it.</p><p> </p><p>Well, there was only one person to quell this feeling of questionable anxiety - not concern, mind you.</p><p> </p><p>“You’d think the synagogue would be closed by now.” Jason mused aloud in the kitchen where it was his rotation to restock popcorn and snacks. Alfred came in and out with drinks, but they had to fend for themselves for snacks. The old butler sighed as he set down the plate in front of him, Jason swiped a cookie - he made it, he got first dib.</p><p> </p><p>“Master Jason…” Alfred looked at him with sad eyes “Please don’t test Master Tim today.” Jason was a bit shocked. Nothing phased the old butler much, but when it did, that meant shit got real.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” he said seriously. Sitting up a bit straighter, leaning forward slightly. Alfred shook his head and he eased up a bit. </p><p> </p><p>“It is the one day of the year he allows himself to ...process.” Alfred said cautiously, eyes on Jason ``He is in check of his emotions, rather admirably for his age but this one day he takes to be detached and truly reflects all he’s lost rather than compartmentalize. He detached from everything and while I do not condone such behavior, but I will indulge Master Tim in this one thing.” Yeah, they all needed a day like that. And it was just like Tim to have his schedule. But only one day? And Christmas of all days? He knew the religious crap was bullshit.</p><p> </p><p>“Seems like a pretty shitty day to look forward to.” Jason said solemnly. Looking into the butlers gaze, having a silent conversation as he pushed the plate back for the butler to take to the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Indeed.”</p><p> </p><p>OoOoO</p><p> </p><p>Finding Tim wasn’t easy, but then again it never was before. Not when Tim didn’t want to be found.</p><p> </p><p>Jason had biked for three hours before finding him. There was a light flurry that had started before his amazing search, making his face cold and his nose nipped. </p><p> </p><p>The place Tim was in wasn’t surprising, so much as concerning. </p><p> </p><p>“You were a shit mom.” he heard Tim say as he dismounted his bike and started to walk over, then he saw the boy taking a swig from a bottle that he replaced in between his legs. As he sat cross legged in front of the grave on the frosted over, slightly snow-dusted ground. He was in grey Nasa sweatpants a size too big, and a red hoodie with faded lettering that looked distinctly Russian covering hands hands, with only his fingers peeking out revealing fingerless gloves, and had a blue and green hat with puffs on the braided tails and top, also a size too big, and knitted blue scarf on. The bags under his eyes looked like bruises and the slight red tinge in his nose made him look ghastly if he didn’t know better he’d say he looked like a homeless 11 year old and not one of Gotham’s most sought after and powerful 17 year old CEO “But fuck, if everything you said to me didn’t keep me alive this long.”</p><p> </p><p>He loosely kept the bottle of Vodka in his hand as he propped his forearms on his knees that he had folded up, still in a criss cross. He knows the posture would give Janet Drake a fit if she were alive, but she wasn’t. She was exactly 6 feet under where Tim was currently sitting; Jack Drake not too far away. He didn’t feel the need to speak to his cowardly father however. Somehow, the man had become irrelevant in his upbringing even if he was the one who survived longer. The made him laugh a bit at the irony.</p><p> </p><p>Even in death, Tim knew who was the one he had to listen to. He knew the one who had all the power. His father wanted nothing to do with him when he was alive, so why would he want to be involved with him while dead?</p><p> </p><p>“It’s weird.” He said to the figure that had pulled up behind him. He looked scathingly at the tombstone like it had kicked his dog.</p><p> </p><p>“What? That you are the one that looks homeless and I look like I have money?” the deep voice said behind him “I think you prefer to dress this way.” He didn’t even need to turn around as Jason Todd came to stand beside him, not sitting down, looking down at the stone. He let Jason process the grave in front of him, the dates chiseled into stone.</p><p> </p><p>Janet Drake</p><p>June 23rd, 1978- December 24th, 2016</p><p> </p><p>“I still have her voice in my head.” Tim says distantly “Accept I don’t listen to it. Not anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“What does she say?” Jason asks, never caution, never careful. It’s what he like about Jason, he doesn’t treat Tim like glass when he’s vulnerable. It makes him feel less like he was breaking.</p><p> </p><p>“She doesn’t speak often.” Tim says “But she’s a better mom in my head than she ever was in real life somehow.” Jason is quiet for a bit, like he’s unsure of what to say. “Maybe it my mind twisting her memory into something that doesn’t make me feel totally messed up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dick wants you back.” Tim wouldn’t know. He turned everything off. Cut communications entirely. True today he would go to the synagogue but after that the traditions held on today were to be practiced alone. As they were every year.</p><p> </p><p>“He noticed this year?” Tim said ideally, sounding disinterestedly surprised. Jason didn’t like it, because while Tim was usually disinterested it was different this time. It was always different when he was supposed to be alone, which was becoming a reoccuring theme recently. </p><p> </p><p>“How much of that have you had?” Jason asks pointing to the bottle, not that he could talk, he didn’t really have good habits as a child either.</p><p> </p><p>“Look this is the only time I ask to not have anyone bother me,” Tim sighed ‘but usually I don’t have to ask.” Tim mumbled more to himself and bowed his head, eyes still trained on the headstone with a glare that had so much contempt in it nearly made Jason flinch. </p><p> </p><p>“What? Dick’s never dragged your skinny ass back to the manor for Christmas dinner?” Jason asked as he plopped down next to Tim, mimicking his position but more spread out, side eyeing the boy cautiously. Tim wanted to snort.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve never celebrated Christmas at the manor.” Tim mumbled, not looking at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Bullshit. Alfred wouldn’t allow that.” </p><p> </p><p>“No really, when I first became Robin Bruce assumed I’d be spending it with my parents so I didn’t come to the manor. And when my mom died, it was on Christmas eve. When I was 15 I said I would spend it with my dad, but I... I was looking for Bruce when I was 16 so…” Jason sighed he didn’t expect so much information, personal information, from Tim at once. Tim was very professional, he didn’t like talking about feelings - a theme in the family. A big taboo though, was his parents. Never once had Tim talked about them, off handedly or otherwise. His past was just that, and Jason suspected that drink was the reason he didn’t need much prying.</p><p> </p><p>“You figured you’d spend this year alone too?” Jason asked and Tim nodded</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t mind spending it alone. I have my traditions.” he said moving his bottle a bit.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know you drank.” Jason said eyeing the half finished bottle of vodka. Shouldn’t the kid be puking? That didn’t seem very healthy. Even by Jason’s shitty standards.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t. Just once a year.” he said “And it’s just a bottle.” he shrugged as if it was no big deal.</p><p> </p><p>“Of vodka.” Jason pointed out, Tim took a swig in response “wait babybird you gotta-”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Russian.” Tim said as he looked unconcernedly at the man and took another drink as Jason looked a tad more horrified, to which Tim laughed at. </p><p> </p><p>“So,” Jason recovered, “You always this cheery during the holidays?”  he asked sarcastically, propping his hands behind him and staring at the grey sky. Tim snorted.</p><p> </p><p>“Everyone needs a day to not be okay. I mean your’s is like every other week. The Brat’s every week and Bruce every damn night.” Tim huffed and Jason snorted “Dick has a grieving day too.” Tim whispered.</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Not really following Tim’s mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, July 20th” Tim said and something about the date sounded familiar. “Usually he gets sad and Alfred and Bruce comfort him. I do too but mostly pretend like it’s another day. I think that helps?”</p><p> </p><p>“Is it?” Jason asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Is what?”</p><p> </p><p> “I cant help but think there is something else on that day too.” Jason hummed and Tim ducked a bit into his bottle.</p><p> </p><p>“Well I turned 17 on that day this year.” And that was the kicker. </p><p> </p><p>“Shit that must’ve been… damn…” Jason didn’t quite expect that as the answer, but it seemed fucked up enough to be plausible.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, I’ve never celebrated my birthday anyways.” Jason glared at the ground. That wasn’t right. Like at all. “He only gets once a year to act like this Jason.” Tim said seriously. </p><p> </p><p>“And you only turn 17 once. period.” Jason said back roughly“and 16 and 15 and 14 and-“</p><p> </p><p>“Okay I get it.” Tim cut him off, swiging his drink again “I just don’t like celebrating it.” He mumbled.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t celebrate a lot of things huh babybird?” Jason said pointedly and Tim glared at him as he shrugged “Call it like I see it. You’re not a very festive person.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve never really had anyone to celebrate with.” Tim said hotly, Jason gestured to the headstone in question and Tim took a minute before he snorted “Like she’d waste time actually remembering it’s my birthday. It’s a waste of thinking space.” Tim said as if it was unbelievable for him to even suggest such a thing.</p><p> </p><p>“Kay, what about him?” Jason said gesturing to Jack’s headstone and Tim’s face went icy as he looked at the headstone.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck him.” Tim nearly snarled and Jason raised a brow.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so you have daddy issues too but-”</p><p> </p><p>“ They weren’t issues. Fucking coward wanted nothing to do with me.” Tim seethed a bit, gripped the bottle tighter as Jason cocked an eyebrow in question “He left because Mom was too much. Just… she was too...too manipulative. He broke her spell but she already had her claws in too deep. If he wanted to leave her, he’d have to give up everything, his home, his business, his connections. Start over. And he did. He left everything behind for someone who didn’t even acknowledge it’s worth. Mother worked for the KGB, we didn’t need his money. She just wanted to fiddle with something between assignments.” Tim bit his lip “He left and let me become something I never wanted to be. And then blamed me for it when mother died.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking coward indeed.” Jason hummed “Huh, you’re more fucked up than I realized.” he nudged the kid and stole the bottle, taking his own swig and handing it back. Shit, that crap was strong. He didn’t know weather to take the bottle away or refer the kid for alcohol next time he wanted to be black out drunk.</p><p> </p><p>“You think Bruce could adopt sane kids?” Tim joked lightly.</p><p> </p><p>“True.” Jason sighed. “But, come on. There must be something you’ve always wanted to celebrate. I mean you don’t seem like an idealistic kid but...” Jason gestured for him to say something and Tim thought for a minute.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I don’t like birthday cakes, too much frosting. But…” Tim smiled a sad hopeful  smile “I had Carvel Ice cream cake once when I was really little and I loved it. If I ever had a birthday cake, it would be that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pretty good choice.” Jason said ideally. </p><p> </p><p>“It wouldn’t even have to say happy birthday, we could just have icecream cake and it would be just as yummy and-”</p><p> </p><p>“Yummy?”</p><p> </p><p>“You know when something is delicious.” Tim looked confused. Jason grinned wickedly.</p><p> </p><p>“So what do you think about burgers. Specifically-” Tim shook his head, but there was a faint smile on his lips. Small, but still there and it made Jason’s heart grow ten sizes. He made a mental note to make the kid smile more.  He could really use it.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop. I know where you are going with this and I need it to stop before I slit your throat and leave to you die among your own grave.” Jason snickered.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit babybird, I didn’t know you could be so fucking morbid.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m a depressed Gen Z child with anxiety. I had to actively hold back on the suicide jokes when I was Robin.” Tim didn’t say why, he didn’t need to “probably the reason I never talked to anyone, you know not professionally.” he bit his lip again and took another gulp. That was a can of worms they could open later.</p><p> </p><p>“Not even your friends.” Tim shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I met them few years later, I didn’t have anyone outside of the bats and league.” Tim smiled “but I can make all the suicide jokes I want now.” </p><p> </p><p>“You ever think about it?” Jason asked casually. Tim didn’t answer for a concerning minute.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know how they deal with murderers where I come from?” Tim asked quietly instead “they had an execution block in the middle of town, you could catch at least one every week. They never cleaned it, there was always blood on the grass. Sometimes though, people would kill themselves before. They would be beheaded and put on a stake or strung up so they were still an example of what not to do.” Tim whispered “whenever I was there, when I went to report an assignment or something when I was younger, I would always see a new way people killed themselves.” </p><p> </p><p>“That’s kinda screwed up kid.” Jason bit his lip. </p><p> </p><p>“Right?” Tim said to the ground “but I always saw people killing themselves slowly and it felt weird to stop it so I never did.” Tim said “and then they’d be dead and I’d feel… weird. Not responsible, but not surprised.” </p><p> </p><p>“It wasn’t-“</p><p> </p><p>“My fault? Yeah, I didn’t quite process what I was seeing until I saw it in Bruce.” Tim said and Jason’s head turned “after you died, he became reckless and cruel. But if Batman fell so would Gotham and if Gotham fell then I’d have to live in <em>there</em>, with the people that wanted to lull themselves. So…”</p><p> </p><p>“You became Robin.” Jason finished in a breath and god jesus...Bruce really...</p><p> </p><p>“He doesn’t know he was suicidal. I tried to tell Dick at first, but you know without telling him I guess. But he didn’t listen.” Tim barked out a harsh laugh “he never listens when it counts.” Jason was quiet for a minute. Tim was done talking about this, but Jason wasn’t sure he wasn’t gonna shoot something if he kept hearing this.</p><p> </p><p>“We should hang out more often.” he said casually.</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” and goddamit, the kid sounded so damn hopeful. That wasn’t something a kid like him allows himself to feel, so Jason felt rightfully honored and terrified because h=if he screwed this up that would be it for this child. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, Tim.” Jason said gently and nudged him so Tim peaked up at him. “I mean it. We should hang out more often. It’s not healthy for you to be so isolated all the time.” Tim scanned Jason’s face, looking for something. He must’ve found it or gave up because he sighs and slumps against Jason’s arm, closing his eyes. Damn the kid was so tiny. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine, Jay.” he says tiredly.</p><p> </p><p>“Tim-” Jason started after a minute.</p><p> </p><p>“Kay, pack it in boys, we goin’ home.” Tim springs up suddenly and turns to Jason and quirks a brow as if he didn’t just do an emotional 180. Jason blinks. He blames the vodka.</p><p> </p><p>“Tim…”he starts, more gently than he wants but Tim rolls his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Jason.” he says back mockingly, and its so childish that Jason almost falls over because Tim is never that… immature. Steph, sure. Duke, maybe. Cass, only subtly. Damian, no chance. Dick, of course. Jason, definitely. But Tim? He was supposed to be the mature one, the smart one, the one that gets shit done before anyone even knows they need to do it. He’s supposed to be the...adult...oh.</p><p> </p><p>Always the adult…</p><p> </p><p>Tim still looks unamused and huffs. Somehow it looks right on his childish face, and he can’t imagine the kid never being able to not smile that wide grin he has right now.</p><p> </p><p>Process all the things he’s lost…</p><p> </p><p>Including his childhood that he never really had to begin with.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you coming back with me or not? You said Dick wanted us and-”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Tim looks shocked and then irritated which was more familiar, but it was different this time. More innocent. “But you said-”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Jason cut him off and grabs Tim’s skinny shoulders. “I said, no. Don’t do that.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Tim rolled his eyes, exasperated. Jason didn’t know what to make of this, he just knew it wasn’t healthy.</p><p> </p><p>“That.” Jason said frustrated “Taking an emotional sharp turn at a stop sign is gonna get you in a major crash.” </p><p> </p><p>“Or to my destination faster while only pissing off a few people for three seconds.” Tim shoots back and crosses his arm and Jason wants to shake the kid into seeing sense.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope. I’m not letting you compartmentalize anymore.” Jason said with a nod “And not just today. You’ve compartmentalized enough for a lifetime.”</p><p> </p><p>“In case you haven’t noticed, Jay, that’s kinda the only thing keeping this family together. Want an emotional pet project, start with Duke before he ends up like the rest of us.” Tim says blandly. </p><p> </p><p>“How do you fit so much cynicism into that skinny little body of yours.” Jason asked, ticked off now. “I’m trying to help you.”</p><p> </p><p>“And I’m done letting people help me.” Tim said pointedly.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t give me that crap, you never even gave anyone a shot in the first place.” Jason said, you know, like a hypocrite.</p><p> </p><p>“And I’m gonna give one to you.” Tim asked with a raised brow. “What makes you so different?” he scoffed, not expecting Jason to answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Because I’m here, right now. I don’t know how you feel, but unlike every other fucked up person in your life, I’m not gonna ignore it anymore.” Jason blurted out the fact and Tim blinked once, twice then looked away a bit.</p><p> </p><p>“So what? I’m your little brother beta test? Trial run for big brothering?” Tim said but he bit his lip  at the end and Jason couldn’t make out what he was feeling. “Shit.” he mumbled and Jason stood up over the boy.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” he answered with a grin “You’re easy enough to bend around and you’ll call me out on my shit. So if I can figure you out, then I can fucking big brother anyone, even the demon brat.” Tim let out a laugh and let himself be enveloped by Jason’s much larger frame. “And you can too. I’ll be your big brother beta test, you be my little brother trial run. For real.” It took a moment in which Jason didn’t think Tim would answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” Tim whispered.</p><p> </p><p>“Great!” Jason smiles and yanked the bottle out of Tims hands getting an interjection from the boy “we’ll start with this.” And he chugged the rest of the bottle.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re… gonna puke.” Tim said blandly.</p><p> </p><p>“You haven’t.” Jason knew Tim was right. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m Russian.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m aware.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re annoying.” Tim huffed. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s what big brothers are for, Babybird.” He sling an arm around Tims skinny shoulders- that would be a mini pet project as well as his sleep schedule.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not gonna make this easy.”Jason smiles wickedly </p><p> </p><p>“Give me your worst, Babybird.” </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know the whole exicution thing is like untrue in Russia I just needed it so that’s why I changed it to where I’m from because I can just make up a random village later for this series. Okay that’s all<br/>Thank you I love you all soooooo much</p><p>ALSO:<br/>Tumblr:@starrykitty013<br/>Twitter: @StarryKitty013<br/>Insta:@starrykitty013<br/>I post about batfam stuff and also mini updates on this and other fics I'm working on!! (like how the next chapter is progressing or just things I'm generally excited for you to see or even sneak peaks and ART) I try to check it frequently. DM me anytime!</p><p>See y'all next time :3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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